i'll be up up and away

Oh, to have the ability to decide.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I—I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.       

im ready for the funeral

sometimes i feel like i’ve gone too far. i feel like im so far deep into shit that i have become numb. i remember feeling guilty over the smallest things, now i can lie to anyone and not think twice about it. if i met my younger self,  disgust would be prominent. i wish i could turn back and start over. i have a lot of regrets that probably should be dealt with, and will be dealt with, atleast 30 years from now in therapy. i hope thats not too late.

this one friend of mine

refuses to hang out with me outside of school. he openly says that he would hate to be seen with me in a social situation. in reality it kills me when he says that, even though he is mostly joking. but i can handle that. what i can’t handle is one of my best friends not wanting to hang out. to be completely accurate, i’m not sure if he wants to hang out or not, but he doesn’t make an effort to plan and he openly rejects invitations with excuses. he is very hard to read, i still don’t know that much about his personal life. when we are together, he sits with me, talks to me. there are days that i feel sick with frustration because of this. he is a really good friend but, for some reason, when it comes to being together outside of school, he is a terrible friend. it needs to change and i intend to make this change happen.